So Jeannie went back to Edmonton.....
She soon met a man who she would eventually marry and have 2 daughters with. Tania and Tasha. His name was Adolph. I never met him~he passed away from Cancer before Jeannie and I met~but they have told me nothing but wonderful things about him.
When Adolph and Jeannie got engaged, Jeannie called the Lawyer who handled my adoption, to tell him that that she wanted to get her daughter back. He explained to her that I had already been with my new family for over 6 months. I was already a part of the family and in a good place. I was being well taken care of. He asked her "Do you really want to go and take that baby away from all of them now?" He then went on to explain to her that my parents would take it to "The Supreme Court Of Canada" before giving up their daughter. Was she up for that fight? She wasn't. But still very flattering to me!! I had 4 people wanting to be my parents!!
I asked her what ever happened to Len. "Bio Dad" and she told me that she ran into Len's brother over 20 years ago and he told her that Len had died from Alcoholism. In his 30's. This was so upsetting and shocking to me. I was never going to have the chance to meet him. It also meant that I would have no other biological siblings....or at least any that I would be able to track.
I put it to rest figuring one day I would at least track down a picture of him.
So my journey with Jeannie continued over the phone until I was able to finally go out and meet her. Which actually didn't take long. The customer of mine who promised to fly me there when I was ready, made good on his promise. He asked me when we wanted to go and we booked out flight.I had to bring my husband ~ Ben~ with me of course.
It was June 15th 2001. We booked a 4 day trip. I had butterflies in my stomach just booking the flight. The anticipation of what it was going to be like....that first moment we meet...
When I called Jeannie to let her know we were coming she was insistant on us staying with her. I wasn't so sure how I felt about that at first. What if it was uncomfortable? What if I needed to be able to be alone with Ben to talk? This was so huge and I wanted to allow my self the freedom to process everything as I needed to. I felt better just knowing I had a hotel room to go back to each night where we were alone Where we could talk. But then she was insisting on paying for the hotel...and I wasn't going to allow that so I gave in and agreed to stay with her. That may seem odd that I would go and stay there without really knowing her very long but I had spent so much time talking to her and the girls before we went that it seemed comfortable. I went with my gut.
Throughout this you may all be wondering about my Dad. My adopted Dad. Like I mentioned before, both my parents were always supportive of us searching one day.
The story between my Father and myself, my brothers.....and my whole entire family....is a long and unpleasant one.
I will sum it up to satisfy any curious readers but it really doesn't play any significant role in the story of Jeannie and I.
After my Mother passed away my Father decided that it was "His time."
He would say that all the time.
It was "his time to enjoy life."
We had taken care of my Mom for over 3 years while she was dying of cancer. I say "WE" because WE all did. Together.
I guess that he wanted to start a new life and it just simply didn't include his 3 kids. We weren't part of the picture. My Dad was capable of being really cheap and kinda nerdy but no one ever expected him to take thigs to the point he did. Years of lawsuits for support for my brother Adam and I (he thought at 16 and 17 years of age that we should be able to support ourselves), fighting him in court for the modest amount of money my Mother left to us....it goes on and on and it's just a bunch of dirty laundry I don't need aired!
In the end we don't speak. We run into each other occasionally but any significant run-in's will be included in the story as I go.
In the next chapter I will lead you up to my reunion. There was lots of planning and lots of nervous days and sleepless nights!!
Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave comments!!
A Story of Adoption continued...chapter 5
In the first few days after talking to Jeannie and the girls I was so eager to see a picture of all of them. Especially Jeannie. I had this vision in my head for 28 years of this woman with brown curly hair. An older version of me. When I asked her to describe herself to me she described herself as blond, shorter, not petite. These were all not ways I would have described myself.
Finally, 2 days after our first conversation, a family friend emailed me pictures of Jeannie and her husband and of my two sisters. I was so grateful to Lorenda for that and always will be. The first picture that showed up was the one of Jeannie. Although she was nice looking, she didn't resemble me at all. Now don't get me wrong, often we look alot like one parent and not the other. I see it with my friends kids. But for me, I had waited 28 years to finally meet someone who looked like me. Never, in my whole life did I look like someone. It may seem petty but it was something I had built up in my head for so long that it was tough for me not seeing any resemblance, at all.
One of my sisters, Tania (the older of the 2) did look similar to me. Just slightly similar. But no real features that stood out.
Funny, I remember one of the first things I asked my sisters on the phone was if they were "busty" ~as my Mother would have put it! They all were. So that was one thing we did all have in common, Jeannie gave us big boobs!
So if I don't look much like my Bio Mom then I must look ALOT like my Bio Dad.
When my search began 9 years earlier it was for both my Bio Mom and Dad. When I applied for my search I was only allowed to have them search for one parent/family member at a time. So my obvious choice was my Bio Mom.
As soon as I began to talk to Jeannie in detail about my adoption I asked her many questions about my Bio Dad. We'll call him "LEN" just "LEN" for now.
So here was her story. Now take into account that the story I am repeating is HER story. We all know there are 3 sides to every story. Certainly she would tell it as SHE saw it.
She began to date Len when she was in her late teens. He was a bit older then her I believe. A few years into their relationship they got engaged. A few months later she got pregnant. Not a planned pregnancy obviously.
Now I want to explain that when Jeannie described Len to me it was never in a positive light. She told me that he was a banker and that he liked to drink. When Jeannie got pregnant he asked for his ring back and told her he wanted no part of the baby. He walked out and she never heard from him again. This was the story told to me. I do not judge him or her, I just tell the story as it was told to me. However, their relationship and it's fallout was and still is not what is important to me. I am sure I will never know the full story and it is not significant to me. I don't think I need to know more.
When she approached her parents and told them she was pregnant they told her to give it up for adoption. "If she came home with the baby she was out of the house!" They were not prepared to support any decision to keep it.
They put her on a plane to Toronto to stay with family friends. She was to have the baby there and then come back home. While in Toronto, she worked as a nurse in a hospital~the same hospital I was born in. While pregnant she took care of herself and had proper prenatal care. I never underestimated the importance of that. I can't imagine how many women would not take that kind of care of themselves under those circumstances.
She stayed with a couple who had a son her age. From what I have heard about this couple they took excellent care of Jeannie both physically and emotionally. They even offered to take her in and help her if she decided to keep the baby. But Jeannie knew it would be the wrong choice. She would have been alienated from her family forever and that was not a tempting life for her. And if I could have had my say from the womb I would have agreed!
One of the greatest thrills for me was having Jeannie tell me about her pregnancy. "Boy did you ever kick alot!" She would say. Another thing that would seem so simple to someone who grew up hearing stories like that from their parents. For me it was so facinating. So exciting. I could sit and listen to her talk about her time in Toronto all day long.....I never got sick of it.
When she was only a couple of weeks away from delivery the people she was staying with were planning a trip to Florida. They offered to take her with. She declined but she also didn't want to be alone for the remainder of her pregnancy. She went to her obstitrician and asked if it was safe for her to be induced 2 weeks early. I was already over 8lbs so they felt it was safe. So on March 7th 1973 I was born!! All 8lbs 6oz of me!
She didn't hold me when I was born. She never saw me. I imagine it would have been too difficult. A week later she was on a plane back to Edmonton.
I will continue the story again soon.I love to hear your comments so feel free!
Thanks for reading!!
Finally, 2 days after our first conversation, a family friend emailed me pictures of Jeannie and her husband and of my two sisters. I was so grateful to Lorenda for that and always will be. The first picture that showed up was the one of Jeannie. Although she was nice looking, she didn't resemble me at all. Now don't get me wrong, often we look alot like one parent and not the other. I see it with my friends kids. But for me, I had waited 28 years to finally meet someone who looked like me. Never, in my whole life did I look like someone. It may seem petty but it was something I had built up in my head for so long that it was tough for me not seeing any resemblance, at all.
One of my sisters, Tania (the older of the 2) did look similar to me. Just slightly similar. But no real features that stood out.
Funny, I remember one of the first things I asked my sisters on the phone was if they were "busty" ~as my Mother would have put it! They all were. So that was one thing we did all have in common, Jeannie gave us big boobs!
So if I don't look much like my Bio Mom then I must look ALOT like my Bio Dad.
When my search began 9 years earlier it was for both my Bio Mom and Dad. When I applied for my search I was only allowed to have them search for one parent/family member at a time. So my obvious choice was my Bio Mom.
As soon as I began to talk to Jeannie in detail about my adoption I asked her many questions about my Bio Dad. We'll call him "LEN" just "LEN" for now.
So here was her story. Now take into account that the story I am repeating is HER story. We all know there are 3 sides to every story. Certainly she would tell it as SHE saw it.
She began to date Len when she was in her late teens. He was a bit older then her I believe. A few years into their relationship they got engaged. A few months later she got pregnant. Not a planned pregnancy obviously.
Now I want to explain that when Jeannie described Len to me it was never in a positive light. She told me that he was a banker and that he liked to drink. When Jeannie got pregnant he asked for his ring back and told her he wanted no part of the baby. He walked out and she never heard from him again. This was the story told to me. I do not judge him or her, I just tell the story as it was told to me. However, their relationship and it's fallout was and still is not what is important to me. I am sure I will never know the full story and it is not significant to me. I don't think I need to know more.
When she approached her parents and told them she was pregnant they told her to give it up for adoption. "If she came home with the baby she was out of the house!" They were not prepared to support any decision to keep it.
They put her on a plane to Toronto to stay with family friends. She was to have the baby there and then come back home. While in Toronto, she worked as a nurse in a hospital~the same hospital I was born in. While pregnant she took care of herself and had proper prenatal care. I never underestimated the importance of that. I can't imagine how many women would not take that kind of care of themselves under those circumstances.
She stayed with a couple who had a son her age. From what I have heard about this couple they took excellent care of Jeannie both physically and emotionally. They even offered to take her in and help her if she decided to keep the baby. But Jeannie knew it would be the wrong choice. She would have been alienated from her family forever and that was not a tempting life for her. And if I could have had my say from the womb I would have agreed!
One of the greatest thrills for me was having Jeannie tell me about her pregnancy. "Boy did you ever kick alot!" She would say. Another thing that would seem so simple to someone who grew up hearing stories like that from their parents. For me it was so facinating. So exciting. I could sit and listen to her talk about her time in Toronto all day long.....I never got sick of it.
When she was only a couple of weeks away from delivery the people she was staying with were planning a trip to Florida. They offered to take her with. She declined but she also didn't want to be alone for the remainder of her pregnancy. She went to her obstitrician and asked if it was safe for her to be induced 2 weeks early. I was already over 8lbs so they felt it was safe. So on March 7th 1973 I was born!! All 8lbs 6oz of me!
She didn't hold me when I was born. She never saw me. I imagine it would have been too difficult. A week later she was on a plane back to Edmonton.
I will continue the story again soon.I love to hear your comments so feel free!
Thanks for reading!!
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