A Story of Adoption continued...chapter 5

In the first few days after talking to Jeannie and the girls I was so eager to see a picture of all of them. Especially Jeannie. I had this vision in my head for 28 years of this woman with brown curly hair. An older version of me. When I asked her to describe herself to me she described herself as blond, shorter, not petite. These were all not ways I would have described myself.
Finally, 2 days after our first conversation, a family friend emailed me pictures of Jeannie and her husband and of my two sisters. I was so grateful to Lorenda for that and always will be. The first picture that showed up was the one of Jeannie. Although she was nice looking, she didn't resemble me at all. Now don't get me wrong, often we look alot like one parent and not the other. I see it with my friends kids. But for me, I had waited 28 years to finally meet someone who looked like me. Never, in my whole life did I look like someone. It may seem petty but it was something I had built up in my head for so long that it was tough for me not seeing any resemblance, at all.
One of my sisters, Tania (the older of the 2) did look similar to me. Just slightly similar. But no real features that stood out.
Funny, I remember one of the first things I asked my sisters on the phone was if they were "busty" ~as my Mother would have put it! They all were. So that was one thing we did all have in common, Jeannie gave us big boobs!
So if I don't look much like my Bio Mom then I must look ALOT like my Bio Dad.
When my search began 9 years earlier it was for both my Bio Mom and Dad. When I applied for my search I was only allowed to have them search for one parent/family member at a time. So my obvious choice was my Bio Mom.
As soon as I began to talk to Jeannie in detail about my adoption I asked her many questions about my Bio Dad. We'll call him "LEN" just "LEN" for now.
So here was her story. Now take into account that the story I am repeating is HER story. We all know there are 3 sides to every story. Certainly she would tell it as SHE saw it.
She began to date Len when she was in her late teens. He was a bit older then her I believe. A few years into their relationship they got engaged. A few months later she got pregnant. Not a planned pregnancy obviously.
Now I want to explain that when Jeannie described Len to me it was never in a positive light. She told me that he was a banker and that he liked to drink. When Jeannie got pregnant he asked for his ring back and told her he wanted no part of the baby. He walked out and she never heard from him again. This was the story told to me. I do not judge him or her, I just tell the story as it was told to me. However, their relationship and it's fallout was and still is not what is important to me. I am sure I will never know the full story and it is not significant to me. I don't think I need to know more.
When she approached her parents and told them she was pregnant they told her to give it up for adoption. "If she came home with the baby she was out of the house!" They were not prepared to support any decision to keep it.
They put her on a plane to Toronto to stay with family friends. She was to have the baby there and then come back home. While in Toronto, she worked as a nurse in a hospital~the same hospital I was born in. While pregnant she took care of herself and had proper prenatal care. I never underestimated the importance of that. I can't imagine how many women would not take that kind of care of themselves under those circumstances.
She stayed with a couple who had a son her age. From what I have heard about this couple they took excellent care of Jeannie both physically and emotionally. They even offered to take her in and help her if she decided to keep the baby. But Jeannie knew it would be the wrong choice. She would have been alienated from her family forever and that was not a tempting life for her. And if I could have had my say from the womb I would have agreed!
One of the greatest thrills for me was having Jeannie tell me about her pregnancy. "Boy did you ever kick alot!" She would say. Another thing that would seem so simple to someone who grew up hearing stories like that from their parents. For me it was so facinating. So exciting. I could sit and listen to her talk about her time in Toronto all day long.....I never got sick of it.
When she was only a couple of weeks away from delivery the people she was staying with were planning a trip to Florida. They offered to take her with. She declined but she also didn't want to be alone for the remainder of her pregnancy. She went to her obstitrician and asked if it was safe for her to be induced 2 weeks early. I was already over 8lbs so they felt it was safe. So on March 7th 1973 I was born!! All 8lbs 6oz of me!
She didn't hold me when I was born. She never saw me. I imagine it would have been too difficult. A week later she was on a plane back to Edmonton.
I will continue the story again soon.I love to hear your comments so feel free!
Thanks for reading!!

2 comments:

Overwhelmed! said...

What an amazing story. I'm so glad that you found your "bio" mom to get these missing details from that portion of your life.

Is your father still alive (you mentioned that your mother died when you were 16 years old). If so, how is he handling your reunification with your bio mom?

I'm interested to learn if you tracked down your bio dad.

I'm so grateful that we met our son's birth parents and that we maintain some contact with his birth mother (we send her pictures and a written update every 6 months and exchange emails from time to time). I want my son to have no struggles if/when he decides to connect with his birth family. They are a part of him and I will never deny that.

I look forward to reading more of your adoption story.

Crunchy Green Mom - Suzanne said...

Ok... wierd. I was just at your blog because of a scavenger hunt with Mommies United.

HOWEVER, I got sucked into your post. I was adopted as well, and I am interested, I'll keep your blog in my favorite places, and catch up on what I missed.

Take care!