I have been so wrapped up with my adoption lately, for so many reasons. I would love to explain but it would ruin the flow of the story. It was over 7 years ago that I met Jeannie and my sisters and so there is quite a long story to write.
I will try to write more regular posts so I don't keep you all hanging.
I have a diary that I wrote when I came home from Edmonton after meeting my birth Mother. I pulled it out today to use for this post. Upon opening it a piece of paper fell out. It was a diary entry that I wrote 16 days before going to Edmonton to meet Jeannie(I often keep a diary that's in the form of scrap pieces of paper with entries on them!)
I will read it to you (so to speak!)
May 30th 2001
"I'm leaving in 16 days to meet Jeannie for the first time. My fear and nervousness has decreased over the last moth. Jeannie is scared and nervous. She fears disappointing me but she doesn't realize that she has given me a wonderful life. She could never disappoint me. She has already far exceeded my expectations of her.
She seems kind, sensitive and emotional, just like me. She sounds alot like me. I am not suprised by that. What a wonderful event I get to be a part of! What an amazing story and I get to be the main character! I feel blessed and lucky. I am thankful for my Mother, Mother figures, my friends and my favorite person in the whole world, my Husband Ben. Ben is and has always been, my biggest supporter. I am grateful to have him in my life.
I know my reunion with Jeannie will be a wonderful one. I will try to do everything right. My friend Kathy says "You always do what's right Alli, just be yourself."
I love my life!!
How lucky I am....."
Thanks for reading. I will write again soon. Next, my trip to Edmonton!!
Alli
A Story Of Adoption Continued...Chapter 7
I must apologise to my readers for taking so long to continue this story. I love and appreciate all the feedback, kudos and support I receive from so many of you. I am running a full time jewelry business ~ www.allisoriginals.com ~ and there are times when I have to put my writing aside to deal with work. This is my passion and love and I will always come back to it. Please, just be patient with me and keep checking in. Feel free to email me and bug me to write...the pressure does actually help!
So here we go...I am finally getting to chapter 7.
My flight to Edmonton was booked and there was so much I needed to do to prepare. My first thought was that I really wanted to arrive with gifts in hand for all 3 girls (Jeannie, Tania and Tasha). I wanted them to be special and I wanted them to be gifts that I put time and thought into. Something sentimental. For my sisters, I went to one of those do-it-yourself ceramic making stores and made them each something a bunch of little things. I remember enjoying the afternoons I spent making their gifts as it added to the excitement and anticipation of meeting them. It gave me time to think about them, focus on them and put all of my love into what I was creating for each of them. Ironically, I met a woman there who had recently reunited with her birth parents and she felt compelled to tell me her story and warn me of some realities of the relationship. She was the dose of reality I needed going into this new found relationship. I am eternally grateful to her for her words of encouragement and logic. She was so excited for me but stressed what a complicated relationship it can be and to take it all in stride. Her message stayed with me...still does.
For Jeannie's gift, I wanted something really special....really sentimental....this leads me to a story that I think will peak anyones curiosity or belief in the universal powers and forces that exist.
My Mother had left to me in her will, a beautiful diamond ring. It was a larger diamond in the center and 2 smaller diamonds on either side. When Ben and I decided we were going to get married, I asked him to please resize the ring my Mother had left to me and use that to propose to me with (when he was ready of course, really it was more romantic than I am making it sound!!. I guess in resizing the ring, the stones were loosened. The night of our engagement party I came home to notice that one of the smaller diamonds had fallen out. We looked everywhere...for months. We never found it. So we replaced it.
A year later I found the diamond sitting in a corner on my bathroom floor. How I even spotted it is still a mystery to me but even moreso, how did it not get swept into a dustpan all those times I mopped and swept my floors? I was happy to find it and put it away saying to myself "one day I will have a daughter and I will make something special for her with it"
So when I was thinking of the perfect gift for Jeannie the diamond came to mind. I thought it would be so special to make her a necklace with a pendant and have the diamond set into the pendant. A diamond that came from me and my Mom.
I had a jeweler make her a gold floating heart pendant with the diamond in the center and hung it from a gold chain. It was perfect!! An interseting piece of this puzzle.... A year later I had a pshychic reading. The psychic said to me "what is this necklace your Mom keeps talking about...she said she took a diamond from you. She wants you to knows that she took the diamond away and gave it back to you so you could use it to connect the 3 women, you, your bio Mom and your Mom." That blew me away!!
Then I thought it would be nice to make a video that I could bring with me to Edmonton. I wanted all of them to see where I lived and worked and who my friends and family were. For weeks I brought this video camera to work, friends houses, my families homes and had everyone record a personal message to Jeannie. My Aunts message was the most touching. I remember her saying "thank you Jeannie for giving Alli to us....and now...because you shared so well, we are happy to share her with you!" I had friends who had known me almost my whole life who recorded the most flattering and sweet messages to her about how much they loved me and appreciated having me in their lives. It was so special.
I got new outfits to wear for the 4 days I was going to be there. And I got my hair done!! I collected old pictures of me growing up and a video with clips of my family.
I did not sleep the night before we left. I was so nervous.
I actually kept a diary over my 4 days with Jeannie and the girls. I knew I would forget little details so I made sure to include everything.
In my next chapter I will tell you all about my 4 days and open up my diary to all of you!
Thanks so much for reading. Please feel free to leave comments, I love your feedback!
So here we go...I am finally getting to chapter 7.
My flight to Edmonton was booked and there was so much I needed to do to prepare. My first thought was that I really wanted to arrive with gifts in hand for all 3 girls (Jeannie, Tania and Tasha). I wanted them to be special and I wanted them to be gifts that I put time and thought into. Something sentimental. For my sisters, I went to one of those do-it-yourself ceramic making stores and made them each something a bunch of little things. I remember enjoying the afternoons I spent making their gifts as it added to the excitement and anticipation of meeting them. It gave me time to think about them, focus on them and put all of my love into what I was creating for each of them. Ironically, I met a woman there who had recently reunited with her birth parents and she felt compelled to tell me her story and warn me of some realities of the relationship. She was the dose of reality I needed going into this new found relationship. I am eternally grateful to her for her words of encouragement and logic. She was so excited for me but stressed what a complicated relationship it can be and to take it all in stride. Her message stayed with me...still does.
For Jeannie's gift, I wanted something really special....really sentimental....this leads me to a story that I think will peak anyones curiosity or belief in the universal powers and forces that exist.
My Mother had left to me in her will, a beautiful diamond ring. It was a larger diamond in the center and 2 smaller diamonds on either side. When Ben and I decided we were going to get married, I asked him to please resize the ring my Mother had left to me and use that to propose to me with (when he was ready of course, really it was more romantic than I am making it sound!!. I guess in resizing the ring, the stones were loosened. The night of our engagement party I came home to notice that one of the smaller diamonds had fallen out. We looked everywhere...for months. We never found it. So we replaced it.
A year later I found the diamond sitting in a corner on my bathroom floor. How I even spotted it is still a mystery to me but even moreso, how did it not get swept into a dustpan all those times I mopped and swept my floors? I was happy to find it and put it away saying to myself "one day I will have a daughter and I will make something special for her with it"
So when I was thinking of the perfect gift for Jeannie the diamond came to mind. I thought it would be so special to make her a necklace with a pendant and have the diamond set into the pendant. A diamond that came from me and my Mom.
I had a jeweler make her a gold floating heart pendant with the diamond in the center and hung it from a gold chain. It was perfect!! An interseting piece of this puzzle.... A year later I had a pshychic reading. The psychic said to me "what is this necklace your Mom keeps talking about...she said she took a diamond from you. She wants you to knows that she took the diamond away and gave it back to you so you could use it to connect the 3 women, you, your bio Mom and your Mom." That blew me away!!
Then I thought it would be nice to make a video that I could bring with me to Edmonton. I wanted all of them to see where I lived and worked and who my friends and family were. For weeks I brought this video camera to work, friends houses, my families homes and had everyone record a personal message to Jeannie. My Aunts message was the most touching. I remember her saying "thank you Jeannie for giving Alli to us....and now...because you shared so well, we are happy to share her with you!" I had friends who had known me almost my whole life who recorded the most flattering and sweet messages to her about how much they loved me and appreciated having me in their lives. It was so special.
I got new outfits to wear for the 4 days I was going to be there. And I got my hair done!! I collected old pictures of me growing up and a video with clips of my family.
I did not sleep the night before we left. I was so nervous.
I actually kept a diary over my 4 days with Jeannie and the girls. I knew I would forget little details so I made sure to include everything.
In my next chapter I will tell you all about my 4 days and open up my diary to all of you!
Thanks so much for reading. Please feel free to leave comments, I love your feedback!
A Story Of Adoption Continued...Chapter 6
So Jeannie went back to Edmonton.....
She soon met a man who she would eventually marry and have 2 daughters with. Tania and Tasha. His name was Adolph. I never met him~he passed away from Cancer before Jeannie and I met~but they have told me nothing but wonderful things about him.
When Adolph and Jeannie got engaged, Jeannie called the Lawyer who handled my adoption, to tell him that that she wanted to get her daughter back. He explained to her that I had already been with my new family for over 6 months. I was already a part of the family and in a good place. I was being well taken care of. He asked her "Do you really want to go and take that baby away from all of them now?" He then went on to explain to her that my parents would take it to "The Supreme Court Of Canada" before giving up their daughter. Was she up for that fight? She wasn't. But still very flattering to me!! I had 4 people wanting to be my parents!!
I asked her what ever happened to Len. "Bio Dad" and she told me that she ran into Len's brother over 20 years ago and he told her that Len had died from Alcoholism. In his 30's. This was so upsetting and shocking to me. I was never going to have the chance to meet him. It also meant that I would have no other biological siblings....or at least any that I would be able to track.
I put it to rest figuring one day I would at least track down a picture of him.
So my journey with Jeannie continued over the phone until I was able to finally go out and meet her. Which actually didn't take long. The customer of mine who promised to fly me there when I was ready, made good on his promise. He asked me when we wanted to go and we booked out flight.I had to bring my husband ~ Ben~ with me of course.
It was June 15th 2001. We booked a 4 day trip. I had butterflies in my stomach just booking the flight. The anticipation of what it was going to be like....that first moment we meet...
When I called Jeannie to let her know we were coming she was insistant on us staying with her. I wasn't so sure how I felt about that at first. What if it was uncomfortable? What if I needed to be able to be alone with Ben to talk? This was so huge and I wanted to allow my self the freedom to process everything as I needed to. I felt better just knowing I had a hotel room to go back to each night where we were alone Where we could talk. But then she was insisting on paying for the hotel...and I wasn't going to allow that so I gave in and agreed to stay with her. That may seem odd that I would go and stay there without really knowing her very long but I had spent so much time talking to her and the girls before we went that it seemed comfortable. I went with my gut.
Throughout this you may all be wondering about my Dad. My adopted Dad. Like I mentioned before, both my parents were always supportive of us searching one day.
The story between my Father and myself, my brothers.....and my whole entire family....is a long and unpleasant one.
I will sum it up to satisfy any curious readers but it really doesn't play any significant role in the story of Jeannie and I.
After my Mother passed away my Father decided that it was "His time."
He would say that all the time.
It was "his time to enjoy life."
We had taken care of my Mom for over 3 years while she was dying of cancer. I say "WE" because WE all did. Together.
I guess that he wanted to start a new life and it just simply didn't include his 3 kids. We weren't part of the picture. My Dad was capable of being really cheap and kinda nerdy but no one ever expected him to take thigs to the point he did. Years of lawsuits for support for my brother Adam and I (he thought at 16 and 17 years of age that we should be able to support ourselves), fighting him in court for the modest amount of money my Mother left to us....it goes on and on and it's just a bunch of dirty laundry I don't need aired!
In the end we don't speak. We run into each other occasionally but any significant run-in's will be included in the story as I go.
In the next chapter I will lead you up to my reunion. There was lots of planning and lots of nervous days and sleepless nights!!
Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave comments!!
She soon met a man who she would eventually marry and have 2 daughters with. Tania and Tasha. His name was Adolph. I never met him~he passed away from Cancer before Jeannie and I met~but they have told me nothing but wonderful things about him.
When Adolph and Jeannie got engaged, Jeannie called the Lawyer who handled my adoption, to tell him that that she wanted to get her daughter back. He explained to her that I had already been with my new family for over 6 months. I was already a part of the family and in a good place. I was being well taken care of. He asked her "Do you really want to go and take that baby away from all of them now?" He then went on to explain to her that my parents would take it to "The Supreme Court Of Canada" before giving up their daughter. Was she up for that fight? She wasn't. But still very flattering to me!! I had 4 people wanting to be my parents!!
I asked her what ever happened to Len. "Bio Dad" and she told me that she ran into Len's brother over 20 years ago and he told her that Len had died from Alcoholism. In his 30's. This was so upsetting and shocking to me. I was never going to have the chance to meet him. It also meant that I would have no other biological siblings....or at least any that I would be able to track.
I put it to rest figuring one day I would at least track down a picture of him.
So my journey with Jeannie continued over the phone until I was able to finally go out and meet her. Which actually didn't take long. The customer of mine who promised to fly me there when I was ready, made good on his promise. He asked me when we wanted to go and we booked out flight.I had to bring my husband ~ Ben~ with me of course.
It was June 15th 2001. We booked a 4 day trip. I had butterflies in my stomach just booking the flight. The anticipation of what it was going to be like....that first moment we meet...
When I called Jeannie to let her know we were coming she was insistant on us staying with her. I wasn't so sure how I felt about that at first. What if it was uncomfortable? What if I needed to be able to be alone with Ben to talk? This was so huge and I wanted to allow my self the freedom to process everything as I needed to. I felt better just knowing I had a hotel room to go back to each night where we were alone Where we could talk. But then she was insisting on paying for the hotel...and I wasn't going to allow that so I gave in and agreed to stay with her. That may seem odd that I would go and stay there without really knowing her very long but I had spent so much time talking to her and the girls before we went that it seemed comfortable. I went with my gut.
Throughout this you may all be wondering about my Dad. My adopted Dad. Like I mentioned before, both my parents were always supportive of us searching one day.
The story between my Father and myself, my brothers.....and my whole entire family....is a long and unpleasant one.
I will sum it up to satisfy any curious readers but it really doesn't play any significant role in the story of Jeannie and I.
After my Mother passed away my Father decided that it was "His time."
He would say that all the time.
It was "his time to enjoy life."
We had taken care of my Mom for over 3 years while she was dying of cancer. I say "WE" because WE all did. Together.
I guess that he wanted to start a new life and it just simply didn't include his 3 kids. We weren't part of the picture. My Dad was capable of being really cheap and kinda nerdy but no one ever expected him to take thigs to the point he did. Years of lawsuits for support for my brother Adam and I (he thought at 16 and 17 years of age that we should be able to support ourselves), fighting him in court for the modest amount of money my Mother left to us....it goes on and on and it's just a bunch of dirty laundry I don't need aired!
In the end we don't speak. We run into each other occasionally but any significant run-in's will be included in the story as I go.
In the next chapter I will lead you up to my reunion. There was lots of planning and lots of nervous days and sleepless nights!!
Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave comments!!
A Story of Adoption continued...chapter 5
In the first few days after talking to Jeannie and the girls I was so eager to see a picture of all of them. Especially Jeannie. I had this vision in my head for 28 years of this woman with brown curly hair. An older version of me. When I asked her to describe herself to me she described herself as blond, shorter, not petite. These were all not ways I would have described myself.
Finally, 2 days after our first conversation, a family friend emailed me pictures of Jeannie and her husband and of my two sisters. I was so grateful to Lorenda for that and always will be. The first picture that showed up was the one of Jeannie. Although she was nice looking, she didn't resemble me at all. Now don't get me wrong, often we look alot like one parent and not the other. I see it with my friends kids. But for me, I had waited 28 years to finally meet someone who looked like me. Never, in my whole life did I look like someone. It may seem petty but it was something I had built up in my head for so long that it was tough for me not seeing any resemblance, at all.
One of my sisters, Tania (the older of the 2) did look similar to me. Just slightly similar. But no real features that stood out.
Funny, I remember one of the first things I asked my sisters on the phone was if they were "busty" ~as my Mother would have put it! They all were. So that was one thing we did all have in common, Jeannie gave us big boobs!
So if I don't look much like my Bio Mom then I must look ALOT like my Bio Dad.
When my search began 9 years earlier it was for both my Bio Mom and Dad. When I applied for my search I was only allowed to have them search for one parent/family member at a time. So my obvious choice was my Bio Mom.
As soon as I began to talk to Jeannie in detail about my adoption I asked her many questions about my Bio Dad. We'll call him "LEN" just "LEN" for now.
So here was her story. Now take into account that the story I am repeating is HER story. We all know there are 3 sides to every story. Certainly she would tell it as SHE saw it.
She began to date Len when she was in her late teens. He was a bit older then her I believe. A few years into their relationship they got engaged. A few months later she got pregnant. Not a planned pregnancy obviously.
Now I want to explain that when Jeannie described Len to me it was never in a positive light. She told me that he was a banker and that he liked to drink. When Jeannie got pregnant he asked for his ring back and told her he wanted no part of the baby. He walked out and she never heard from him again. This was the story told to me. I do not judge him or her, I just tell the story as it was told to me. However, their relationship and it's fallout was and still is not what is important to me. I am sure I will never know the full story and it is not significant to me. I don't think I need to know more.
When she approached her parents and told them she was pregnant they told her to give it up for adoption. "If she came home with the baby she was out of the house!" They were not prepared to support any decision to keep it.
They put her on a plane to Toronto to stay with family friends. She was to have the baby there and then come back home. While in Toronto, she worked as a nurse in a hospital~the same hospital I was born in. While pregnant she took care of herself and had proper prenatal care. I never underestimated the importance of that. I can't imagine how many women would not take that kind of care of themselves under those circumstances.
She stayed with a couple who had a son her age. From what I have heard about this couple they took excellent care of Jeannie both physically and emotionally. They even offered to take her in and help her if she decided to keep the baby. But Jeannie knew it would be the wrong choice. She would have been alienated from her family forever and that was not a tempting life for her. And if I could have had my say from the womb I would have agreed!
One of the greatest thrills for me was having Jeannie tell me about her pregnancy. "Boy did you ever kick alot!" She would say. Another thing that would seem so simple to someone who grew up hearing stories like that from their parents. For me it was so facinating. So exciting. I could sit and listen to her talk about her time in Toronto all day long.....I never got sick of it.
When she was only a couple of weeks away from delivery the people she was staying with were planning a trip to Florida. They offered to take her with. She declined but she also didn't want to be alone for the remainder of her pregnancy. She went to her obstitrician and asked if it was safe for her to be induced 2 weeks early. I was already over 8lbs so they felt it was safe. So on March 7th 1973 I was born!! All 8lbs 6oz of me!
She didn't hold me when I was born. She never saw me. I imagine it would have been too difficult. A week later she was on a plane back to Edmonton.
I will continue the story again soon.I love to hear your comments so feel free!
Thanks for reading!!
Finally, 2 days after our first conversation, a family friend emailed me pictures of Jeannie and her husband and of my two sisters. I was so grateful to Lorenda for that and always will be. The first picture that showed up was the one of Jeannie. Although she was nice looking, she didn't resemble me at all. Now don't get me wrong, often we look alot like one parent and not the other. I see it with my friends kids. But for me, I had waited 28 years to finally meet someone who looked like me. Never, in my whole life did I look like someone. It may seem petty but it was something I had built up in my head for so long that it was tough for me not seeing any resemblance, at all.
One of my sisters, Tania (the older of the 2) did look similar to me. Just slightly similar. But no real features that stood out.
Funny, I remember one of the first things I asked my sisters on the phone was if they were "busty" ~as my Mother would have put it! They all were. So that was one thing we did all have in common, Jeannie gave us big boobs!
So if I don't look much like my Bio Mom then I must look ALOT like my Bio Dad.
When my search began 9 years earlier it was for both my Bio Mom and Dad. When I applied for my search I was only allowed to have them search for one parent/family member at a time. So my obvious choice was my Bio Mom.
As soon as I began to talk to Jeannie in detail about my adoption I asked her many questions about my Bio Dad. We'll call him "LEN" just "LEN" for now.
So here was her story. Now take into account that the story I am repeating is HER story. We all know there are 3 sides to every story. Certainly she would tell it as SHE saw it.
She began to date Len when she was in her late teens. He was a bit older then her I believe. A few years into their relationship they got engaged. A few months later she got pregnant. Not a planned pregnancy obviously.
Now I want to explain that when Jeannie described Len to me it was never in a positive light. She told me that he was a banker and that he liked to drink. When Jeannie got pregnant he asked for his ring back and told her he wanted no part of the baby. He walked out and she never heard from him again. This was the story told to me. I do not judge him or her, I just tell the story as it was told to me. However, their relationship and it's fallout was and still is not what is important to me. I am sure I will never know the full story and it is not significant to me. I don't think I need to know more.
When she approached her parents and told them she was pregnant they told her to give it up for adoption. "If she came home with the baby she was out of the house!" They were not prepared to support any decision to keep it.
They put her on a plane to Toronto to stay with family friends. She was to have the baby there and then come back home. While in Toronto, she worked as a nurse in a hospital~the same hospital I was born in. While pregnant she took care of herself and had proper prenatal care. I never underestimated the importance of that. I can't imagine how many women would not take that kind of care of themselves under those circumstances.
She stayed with a couple who had a son her age. From what I have heard about this couple they took excellent care of Jeannie both physically and emotionally. They even offered to take her in and help her if she decided to keep the baby. But Jeannie knew it would be the wrong choice. She would have been alienated from her family forever and that was not a tempting life for her. And if I could have had my say from the womb I would have agreed!
One of the greatest thrills for me was having Jeannie tell me about her pregnancy. "Boy did you ever kick alot!" She would say. Another thing that would seem so simple to someone who grew up hearing stories like that from their parents. For me it was so facinating. So exciting. I could sit and listen to her talk about her time in Toronto all day long.....I never got sick of it.
When she was only a couple of weeks away from delivery the people she was staying with were planning a trip to Florida. They offered to take her with. She declined but she also didn't want to be alone for the remainder of her pregnancy. She went to her obstitrician and asked if it was safe for her to be induced 2 weeks early. I was already over 8lbs so they felt it was safe. So on March 7th 1973 I was born!! All 8lbs 6oz of me!
She didn't hold me when I was born. She never saw me. I imagine it would have been too difficult. A week later she was on a plane back to Edmonton.
I will continue the story again soon.I love to hear your comments so feel free!
Thanks for reading!!
A Story of Adoption continued...chapter 4
I am sorry I have not kept up with the story over the last few months. With a 4 yr old and a home based business I have not had the time.
I want to preface my story by saying that the views and opinions I express in my story are based on my own personal experiences with adoption. I realize that there are many different emotions and opinions surrounding adoptions ~ from all ends. This is just my story!
During the time I was searching I was working in a pub. Many of the "regulars" from the bar and all of the staff knew about my search. Many of them on a daily basis would ask for updates. One gentleman in particular ~who I had talked to on many occasions about it~ came to me one day and said "Alli, when you find her I would like to get you a ticket to go out west to meet her"
Through his job he travelled extensively and had earned more airmiles than he was able to use. His gift to me was to get me a flight out to Edmonton with his airmiles points.
There was so much support and excitement from everyone it seemed.
So there I was, working till 5pm everyday and running home at the end of each day to sit by my phone. I was willing to dedicate 4 nights to waiting!
The Wednesday night came and went.......Thursday night came and went....Friday night comes...it's about 11pm and my Husband and I were ready to go to bed.
The phone rings....long distance (the phone had a double ring when the call was long distance) and I looked at my husband and said "this is it....this is her..."
I remember picking up the phone ~my husband not 2 feet away from me~ and saying "Hello" in this quiet and almost unsure way....
From the other end I hear "Is this Allison?"
"Yes" I replied
"It's me.....Mary Jean.....I'm your Mother"
I instantly had tears rolling down my face and dropped to the ground. My legs wouldn't hold me up. I looked up at my husband and he was crying. I mouthed to him "It's HER, it's my Mother"
and he was smiling and crying and with the utmost pride and excitiment he mouthed back "I know" with his hand on his heart.
I remember thinking that I needed to be sure. So I asked
"What is March 7th?"
"That's your Birthday and you are Allison Beth" I didn't include my middle name in the ad in the paper so I knew it had to be her.
Then she started to give me information about the Hospital I was born in and the name of the Doctor who delivered me. She knew the name of the lawyer too.....I didn't need anymore convincing.
That first conversation lasted for 3 hours. She went on to tell me how I had 2 sisters. Tania and Tasha.
It was a conversation mixed with a calm exchanging of questions and then tears....She began to tell me how she thought of me everyday and how she always prayed for me. Then she started to cry. She passed the phone to Tasha (Tania was out on a date that night) and we started to talk. She was nothing shy of so sweet and compassionate. She kept asking me if I was ok becasue I could not control my tears at times either. At points I was sobbing.
We asked each other questions about our jobs, friends, boyfriends etc...
I wrote all of it down on a piece of paper. I still have the paper.
At one point she put my "bio Mom" back on the phone so she could go to a payphone around the corner to call her sister Tania.
Tania, upon hearing the story, came home immediately with her date/boyfrind. We talked that night too.
Tania was also very sweet. Quieter and more reserved than Tasha.
My "Bio Mom" although her given name was Mary Jean she always went by Jeannie. So from this point on I will refer to her as that.
I will tell you a little about my sisters at the time I first talked to them.
Tasha was 24 years old and working in a hospital in Edmonton. She was single. She was still living at home with Jeannie at the time. Jeannies Husband (Tania and Tasha's father) had passed away from Cancer about 3 years prior (I am not completely sure when he passed but I think it was a few years before).
Tania was 26 ~a grade school teacher~ and had a steady boyfriend. She had her own apartment.
Both of the girls are very close with Jeannie.
After getting off the phone from our 3 hour conversation all I did was cry. I didn't sleep that night. Not one second of sleep and I didn't care. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to talk to her again. I still wanted to ask so many questions. The next day I called in sick to work and spent the day daydreaming about the "New Loves of my life"
The excitement was so overwhelming.
My friend Debbie came over the next day with a photo album that said "Pictures of Allison" on it. It was for me to fill and send to Jeannie. I will never forget how special that was of her to do.
After calling all my friends and family I called FTD and sent Jeannie and the girls a bouquet of flowers to celebrate our reunion.
All I wanted to do was call them and talk to them but I was so worried about scaring them off. I wasn't sure if they needed time to process it all.
I couln't help it, I called anyways. Tasha answered the phone and I said to her right away "If you guys aren't up for talking and you need some time I understand. But I couln't stop thinking about all of you today and was hoping we could talk"
Immediately she cut me off to say "Us too!! We didn't know if you would feel pressured if we called today" And from that point on I think we all talked almost every day for a while.
During my first couple of conversations with them we were all on our "best behavior."
We didn't swear or tell each other anything unappealing about ourselves. Just testing the waters. I said to Tasha one day "Do you guys NEVER swear?!"
She started to laugh....."we were wondering the same thing about you!"
"We were so afraid to say a bad word, we didn't want you to think our Mother raised us poorly!"
I think that was an icebreaking moment for us.
I will continue my story soon....thank you for reading, please feel free to leave comments!
Alli
I want to preface my story by saying that the views and opinions I express in my story are based on my own personal experiences with adoption. I realize that there are many different emotions and opinions surrounding adoptions ~ from all ends. This is just my story!
During the time I was searching I was working in a pub. Many of the "regulars" from the bar and all of the staff knew about my search. Many of them on a daily basis would ask for updates. One gentleman in particular ~who I had talked to on many occasions about it~ came to me one day and said "Alli, when you find her I would like to get you a ticket to go out west to meet her"
Through his job he travelled extensively and had earned more airmiles than he was able to use. His gift to me was to get me a flight out to Edmonton with his airmiles points.
There was so much support and excitement from everyone it seemed.
So there I was, working till 5pm everyday and running home at the end of each day to sit by my phone. I was willing to dedicate 4 nights to waiting!
The Wednesday night came and went.......Thursday night came and went....Friday night comes...it's about 11pm and my Husband and I were ready to go to bed.
The phone rings....long distance (the phone had a double ring when the call was long distance) and I looked at my husband and said "this is it....this is her..."
I remember picking up the phone ~my husband not 2 feet away from me~ and saying "Hello" in this quiet and almost unsure way....
From the other end I hear "Is this Allison?"
"Yes" I replied
"It's me.....Mary Jean.....I'm your Mother"
I instantly had tears rolling down my face and dropped to the ground. My legs wouldn't hold me up. I looked up at my husband and he was crying. I mouthed to him "It's HER, it's my Mother"
and he was smiling and crying and with the utmost pride and excitiment he mouthed back "I know" with his hand on his heart.
I remember thinking that I needed to be sure. So I asked
"What is March 7th?"
"That's your Birthday and you are Allison Beth" I didn't include my middle name in the ad in the paper so I knew it had to be her.
Then she started to give me information about the Hospital I was born in and the name of the Doctor who delivered me. She knew the name of the lawyer too.....I didn't need anymore convincing.
That first conversation lasted for 3 hours. She went on to tell me how I had 2 sisters. Tania and Tasha.
It was a conversation mixed with a calm exchanging of questions and then tears....She began to tell me how she thought of me everyday and how she always prayed for me. Then she started to cry. She passed the phone to Tasha (Tania was out on a date that night) and we started to talk. She was nothing shy of so sweet and compassionate. She kept asking me if I was ok becasue I could not control my tears at times either. At points I was sobbing.
We asked each other questions about our jobs, friends, boyfriends etc...
I wrote all of it down on a piece of paper. I still have the paper.
At one point she put my "bio Mom" back on the phone so she could go to a payphone around the corner to call her sister Tania.
Tania, upon hearing the story, came home immediately with her date/boyfrind. We talked that night too.
Tania was also very sweet. Quieter and more reserved than Tasha.
My "Bio Mom" although her given name was Mary Jean she always went by Jeannie. So from this point on I will refer to her as that.
I will tell you a little about my sisters at the time I first talked to them.
Tasha was 24 years old and working in a hospital in Edmonton. She was single. She was still living at home with Jeannie at the time. Jeannies Husband (Tania and Tasha's father) had passed away from Cancer about 3 years prior (I am not completely sure when he passed but I think it was a few years before).
Tania was 26 ~a grade school teacher~ and had a steady boyfriend. She had her own apartment.
Both of the girls are very close with Jeannie.
After getting off the phone from our 3 hour conversation all I did was cry. I didn't sleep that night. Not one second of sleep and I didn't care. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to talk to her again. I still wanted to ask so many questions. The next day I called in sick to work and spent the day daydreaming about the "New Loves of my life"
The excitement was so overwhelming.
My friend Debbie came over the next day with a photo album that said "Pictures of Allison" on it. It was for me to fill and send to Jeannie. I will never forget how special that was of her to do.
After calling all my friends and family I called FTD and sent Jeannie and the girls a bouquet of flowers to celebrate our reunion.
All I wanted to do was call them and talk to them but I was so worried about scaring them off. I wasn't sure if they needed time to process it all.
I couln't help it, I called anyways. Tasha answered the phone and I said to her right away "If you guys aren't up for talking and you need some time I understand. But I couln't stop thinking about all of you today and was hoping we could talk"
Immediately she cut me off to say "Us too!! We didn't know if you would feel pressured if we called today" And from that point on I think we all talked almost every day for a while.
During my first couple of conversations with them we were all on our "best behavior."
We didn't swear or tell each other anything unappealing about ourselves. Just testing the waters. I said to Tasha one day "Do you guys NEVER swear?!"
She started to laugh....."we were wondering the same thing about you!"
"We were so afraid to say a bad word, we didn't want you to think our Mother raised us poorly!"
I think that was an icebreaking moment for us.
I will continue my story soon....thank you for reading, please feel free to leave comments!
Alli
A Story of Adoption continued...chapter 3
So my search begins....I didn't even know where to start. I called my friend Debbie who always found detective work interesting and facinating. I figured she would have some ideas or at very least she would help me with mine. That night we both started calling all of the Davis' in the Edmonton whitepages. Probably one of the most stressful ways to find someone. Blind calls to people not knowing if at one point you will hit a jackpot of some kind. I had such anxiety that my heart was pounding and I could feel myself trembling. I would call a number and when someone answered I would say "I am working on a family tree for a friend and I am looking for someone by the name of Mary Jean Davs. This is most likely her maiden name"
Most of the time I would get that far and the person on the other line would say "No, sorry, no one here by that name" Or they would just say "NO" and hang up. Debbie was having the same bad luck as I was. I remember at one point asking "Do you know a Mary Jean Davis?" and the person immediately hung up. That really freaked me out because I actually thought it may have been her and that I had scared her. After a few hours of anxiety and stress I decided to give up on the cold calls. We had no luck and something was telling me it was a waist of time. I must give us both alot of credit, we made it through about 300 names before we quite.
Almost all of them!
Next, I went online. I looked at every possible website out there for "People looking for people"
Most of them were in the US and with her name being so common it was all dead ends. So I began to network online and by phone with other adoptees and Mom's looking for their kids. I remember developing a huge support network for myself during this time. There were so many people looking for people and they all had ideas to offer me. One person suggested going to the reference library and trying to find her through a voters list. Since she was of voting age when she had me maybe there would be some record of her. Another dead end.
I remember finding an old Edmonton phone book from back in the early 40's. I thought for sure this was how I was going to at least find my grandparents. It had very few listings~apparently there were not too many Davis' in Edmonton back then. This book actually had the names and phone numbers but it also listed occupations and names of children. I tried to find her family but no luck. Maybe they weren't living there back then. This was the hardest part of my search. I had so little infomation to go on that I worried that I was going to miss a clue staring me right in the face. And one thing I discovered was that the more information I had, the more information people were willing to give. People don't want to be exposing someone or getting someone into trouble. It's such a funny thing.
So for weeks my husband would drop me off at the library and come back hours later. Each time hoping that I had found a lead. No such luck. The more I searched the more I realized just how little information was out there. It was almost as if I became desperate to find her. I had never been so curious and it all seemed so far out of my reach. It was so hard for me to remain positive with not even a little bone thrown my way.
When I reached my late teens, I started a yearly Birthday tradition. I would wake up and go to the store and by a Toronto Star newspaper. I would carefully look through each page of the classifieds hoping she had posted something.
During my search at the reference library I tried to find my birth announcment in the Toronto star~no luck. Then I looked through archives. I would look at the classified ads for March 7th (my Birthday) dating back to the late 70's. I was hoping to find something titled "Looking For My Biological Daughter" Such a romantic notion but I hoped.
I remember thinking my best option at this point in my search was to hire a private investigator. I had a friend growing up who's father was a private investigator. So I called him. He was more than willing to help. I gave him everything I knew and then just waited....and waited...and waited until one day he called. He had no news for me. His search turned up nothing. She was not an easy person to find and I knew this when I called him. There were so many "What if's"
What if she is married and goes by her married name?
I know she was BORN in Edmonton but that does not mean she grew up there. And if she did grow up there, how do I know that is where she went back to after leaving Toronto?
So my emotional roller coaster continues....what now?
Well, I called all of the contacts I had made over the months of searching. I don't remember how but I got to talking to one woman who had recently found her biological daughter. She had been searching for her for years. All she knew was that her daughter lived in Ontario. She had an idea that I had never thought of and it seemed like such a long shot. She had placed classified ads in newpapers throughout Ontario for years. This was how she eventually found her daughter. She suggested I place ads in all the major newspapers throughout Edmonton. She thought it would be best to post them on significant occasions such as our Birthdays & Mother's Day. She made sure to prepare me for the fact that it could be years and take many ad posts before I get any calls. If any.
So I called the Edmonton Journal and the Edmonton Post newspapers. I inquired about placing a classified ad. When I started to tell the man on the phone the purpose of my ad he told me that there were some rules and limitations to what I could say in the ad. Here is what he said,
"If you want to post her name in the ad then we are not able to put anyting in the ad that indicates that she is your biological Mother. If you just put her initials then we can say that she is your biological Mother."
I remember calling back the lady who suggested the idea in the first place. I had no idea what to say and needed some help. There was so much to think about. For starters, I did not want to post anything that said I was "Looking for my biological Mother" because I feared getting calls from lonely, potentially crazy, women saying "I'm your Mother"
I wanted to eliminate that possibility as best I could. I also worried about the ad revealing something about her life that she had possibly kept a secret from her friends and family. I did not want to expose her secret. What if she was happily married and had a family who knew nothing about her past? This could ruin her life. It would also be a bad foot for us to start off on.
So after careful consideration, here's what we came up with,
"LOOKING FOR MARY JEAN DAVIS. WE FIRST MET IN TORONTO ON MARCH 7TH 1973. PLEASE CALL ALLISON COLLECT AT..." and I left my phone number. I know that she signed my birth order and therefore she knew my name was Allison and only she would know the significance of the date March 7, 1973. This seemed like the best wording for the ad. So the ad went into 2 major newspapers for 4 days each. From a Wednesday through Saturday.
Once the ads were in place I began to imagine all of the potentials who could see it. A friend, a family member, a sibling. There were so many people who could see it. I remember lighting a candle one night and for the first time in my life I prayed. I prayed with all my heart until tears were streaming down my face. I was begging G-D to please help. "Let me find her, I need to"
The next day the 2 newspapers kindly faxed me a copy of the ads to my work. My boss walked up to me with this long sheet filled with little ads and there was mine at the very bottom. Like a needle in a haystack. There must have been 80 classified ads on the page. This was so discouraging. You would need to be looking for this ad to see it. And if noone was looking, there was no way anyone was finding it.
So now I had to play the waiting game.....
I will continue the story soon....thanks for reading!
Most of the time I would get that far and the person on the other line would say "No, sorry, no one here by that name" Or they would just say "NO" and hang up. Debbie was having the same bad luck as I was. I remember at one point asking "Do you know a Mary Jean Davis?" and the person immediately hung up. That really freaked me out because I actually thought it may have been her and that I had scared her. After a few hours of anxiety and stress I decided to give up on the cold calls. We had no luck and something was telling me it was a waist of time. I must give us both alot of credit, we made it through about 300 names before we quite.
Almost all of them!
Next, I went online. I looked at every possible website out there for "People looking for people"
Most of them were in the US and with her name being so common it was all dead ends. So I began to network online and by phone with other adoptees and Mom's looking for their kids. I remember developing a huge support network for myself during this time. There were so many people looking for people and they all had ideas to offer me. One person suggested going to the reference library and trying to find her through a voters list. Since she was of voting age when she had me maybe there would be some record of her. Another dead end.
I remember finding an old Edmonton phone book from back in the early 40's. I thought for sure this was how I was going to at least find my grandparents. It had very few listings~apparently there were not too many Davis' in Edmonton back then. This book actually had the names and phone numbers but it also listed occupations and names of children. I tried to find her family but no luck. Maybe they weren't living there back then. This was the hardest part of my search. I had so little infomation to go on that I worried that I was going to miss a clue staring me right in the face. And one thing I discovered was that the more information I had, the more information people were willing to give. People don't want to be exposing someone or getting someone into trouble. It's such a funny thing.
So for weeks my husband would drop me off at the library and come back hours later. Each time hoping that I had found a lead. No such luck. The more I searched the more I realized just how little information was out there. It was almost as if I became desperate to find her. I had never been so curious and it all seemed so far out of my reach. It was so hard for me to remain positive with not even a little bone thrown my way.
When I reached my late teens, I started a yearly Birthday tradition. I would wake up and go to the store and by a Toronto Star newspaper. I would carefully look through each page of the classifieds hoping she had posted something.
During my search at the reference library I tried to find my birth announcment in the Toronto star~no luck. Then I looked through archives. I would look at the classified ads for March 7th (my Birthday) dating back to the late 70's. I was hoping to find something titled "Looking For My Biological Daughter" Such a romantic notion but I hoped.
I remember thinking my best option at this point in my search was to hire a private investigator. I had a friend growing up who's father was a private investigator. So I called him. He was more than willing to help. I gave him everything I knew and then just waited....and waited...and waited until one day he called. He had no news for me. His search turned up nothing. She was not an easy person to find and I knew this when I called him. There were so many "What if's"
What if she is married and goes by her married name?
I know she was BORN in Edmonton but that does not mean she grew up there. And if she did grow up there, how do I know that is where she went back to after leaving Toronto?
So my emotional roller coaster continues....what now?
Well, I called all of the contacts I had made over the months of searching. I don't remember how but I got to talking to one woman who had recently found her biological daughter. She had been searching for her for years. All she knew was that her daughter lived in Ontario. She had an idea that I had never thought of and it seemed like such a long shot. She had placed classified ads in newpapers throughout Ontario for years. This was how she eventually found her daughter. She suggested I place ads in all the major newspapers throughout Edmonton. She thought it would be best to post them on significant occasions such as our Birthdays & Mother's Day. She made sure to prepare me for the fact that it could be years and take many ad posts before I get any calls. If any.
So I called the Edmonton Journal and the Edmonton Post newspapers. I inquired about placing a classified ad. When I started to tell the man on the phone the purpose of my ad he told me that there were some rules and limitations to what I could say in the ad. Here is what he said,
"If you want to post her name in the ad then we are not able to put anyting in the ad that indicates that she is your biological Mother. If you just put her initials then we can say that she is your biological Mother."
I remember calling back the lady who suggested the idea in the first place. I had no idea what to say and needed some help. There was so much to think about. For starters, I did not want to post anything that said I was "Looking for my biological Mother" because I feared getting calls from lonely, potentially crazy, women saying "I'm your Mother"
I wanted to eliminate that possibility as best I could. I also worried about the ad revealing something about her life that she had possibly kept a secret from her friends and family. I did not want to expose her secret. What if she was happily married and had a family who knew nothing about her past? This could ruin her life. It would also be a bad foot for us to start off on.
So after careful consideration, here's what we came up with,
"LOOKING FOR MARY JEAN DAVIS. WE FIRST MET IN TORONTO ON MARCH 7TH 1973. PLEASE CALL ALLISON COLLECT AT..." and I left my phone number. I know that she signed my birth order and therefore she knew my name was Allison and only she would know the significance of the date March 7, 1973. This seemed like the best wording for the ad. So the ad went into 2 major newspapers for 4 days each. From a Wednesday through Saturday.
Once the ads were in place I began to imagine all of the potentials who could see it. A friend, a family member, a sibling. There were so many people who could see it. I remember lighting a candle one night and for the first time in my life I prayed. I prayed with all my heart until tears were streaming down my face. I was begging G-D to please help. "Let me find her, I need to"
The next day the 2 newspapers kindly faxed me a copy of the ads to my work. My boss walked up to me with this long sheet filled with little ads and there was mine at the very bottom. Like a needle in a haystack. There must have been 80 classified ads on the page. This was so discouraging. You would need to be looking for this ad to see it. And if noone was looking, there was no way anyone was finding it.
So now I had to play the waiting game.....
I will continue the story soon....thanks for reading!
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