....So here we are 11 months after receiving my letter saying they were starting my search. I had been waiting so anxiously when one day I got a call from the Adoption services saying they were nearing the completion of my search and wanted to make sure I still wanted to go through with it. OF COURSE!
They did not say much but I remember them telling me that they were'nt having a successful search. "Why?" I asked. It seems that my biological Mother lived out of Province and that there was not much in the file about her or the adoption.
They said that they were able to give me some "Non Identifying" information about her. This is what they said "Your biological Mother was born in a Western Province in Cananda, she is Anglican Prodistant, she signed my birth order and therefore was privy to my given name, my biological Father's name was in the file (which is rare, usually the Father is unknown or not listed as the Father) as well as the lawyers name who did the adoption. They also told me that her name was extremily common. "Infact" she said "Your Father's name is as equally uncommon as your Mother's name is common" Which really aroused my curiosity. I felt like for the first time I knew SOMETHING about her. Even though it was so little, it was so much to me. Now, they said they were going to complete my search and it should take about a month. I asked them "What if you don't find her?"
They put together several scenarios for me and gave me the possible outcome for each.
"If we find her we contact her and tell her you have requested to meet her. If she says yes then we arrange for you to meet. If she doesn't want to meet you then that's a dead end for you. We will not be able to give you any information and we will have to close the file. If she is deceased or cannot be found then we give you all the info we have aquired during our search."At that point I realized that there was a possibility that she might actually reject the idea of meeting me. What about all of my unanswered questions? What right would she have to deny me what is rightfully mine, my roots? I NEEDED to know where I came from. This was a soul necessity. When I considered the possibility of her denying me that I promised myself that I would make the biggest stink I could about it. I would have every newspaper I could find write an article about how this whole "Privacy Law" was completely unfair and only to protect the Mother who gave her child(children) up for adoption. These "CLOSED ADOPTION FILES" were not to protect the child, but the Mother. I waited that month out and then got a call from the agency. "I am sorry" the woman on the phone said, "we were unsuccessful in your search. Your Mother is from another Province and we do not have access to files outside of Ontario. What I can do now is give you all the information we have and you are free to continue your search on your own." She went on to tell me that many people are successful in doing there own searches. There are resource libraries and the internet, many ways for you to search.
So here was the information they gave me.
My Mother's name was "Mary Jean Davis," she was born in Edmonton on Feb.6th 1952.
They also gave me the lawyers name who handled the adoption. That was the bulk of it.
The first thing I did was find the lawyer and call him. As soon as I told him my name he knew who I was. He had so much to say and I remember our conversation vividly. He said that he represented both sides because my biological Mother did not have the alot of money. So my parents covered the cost for the lawyer. He said he remembered my adoption beacuse he had only handled 2 in his entire career and that mine was a particularily emotional one. He said that he had met my "bio Mom" (thats what I call her) and that she was "WHOLESOME." That was music to my ears. I could not have asked him to use a better word to describe her. He went on to tell me that he had brought me my first bottle of formula to the hospital after I was born. "She did not want to give you up" he said. I started to cry. I guess it never occured to me just how important that was for me to hear. Just knowing that I was wanted by her changed me. Some deep part of me was now at peace and I didn't even know I needed it. He went on to tell me how he hand delivered me to my parents in the parking lot of the Hospital (private adoptions back in the early 70's are very different than they are now) and that my parents borrowed my Grandfather's car and that they wore wigs. They were so concerned about my Bio Mom seeing them. Then I asked him what she looked like "She was really pretty" he said. I cried more....then I asked him if he could give me my file so I could contact her. "I gave the file to your parents years ago and do not have a copy" He and my parents were friends so he bent the rules for them. "But" he said, "Continue your search for her beacuse she will want to meet you, that I know for sure."
That was so reasurring because I worried that if she knew I was looking for her before I found her then she could make it impossible for me to find her. I was so affraid of being rejected by her.
Now I had the reassurance I needed to continue the search. But there were still fears. What or Who will I find? Will she be kind? Will she have expectations of me? What if I am a disappointment to her in some way? All these fears and concerns were now a part of it.
So now my own personal search began. It was tough, so many avenues to go down. So many places to search with no guarantees of finding anything. It didn't help that there were 312 Davis' listed in the Edmonton whitepages.
The next part of my story will be about my search. I am hoping that this story has peeked peoples interest. It gets good so stay tuned!
Thanks for reading!
A Story of Adoption~chapter 1
For years I have been saying that someday I will get a book published. A book about my experiences in life.
I've never even attempted to start that book because I never knew if I was willing to "tell all."
I suppose one day I will reach an age where I don't care what anyone thinks!
I do think that my adoption story is almost a book in itself. I like to tell people the story because people are so facinated by it. As much as I love that, what I love even more is when my experience can help someone else who is considering searching for their family.
So if this blog can help even one person who reads it then I've done my job. At very least I have part of my book done!
I won't be able to tell all in one entry so keep checking back for the continuations. This story deserves not to be rushed or summed up.
I am 34 years old and was adopted from birth. I was adopted into a Jewish home with 2 older brothers ~ Brad (7 years older than me) and Adam (14 months older than me). Brad was my parents natural child and Adam and I were both adopted but from different women.
My Father was a Dentist and my Mother was a stay-at-home Mom. My Mom was wonderful, sweet, loving, affectionate and full of pride of her 3 children. Our parents raised us to know we were adopted~it was just a fact I grew up knowing from birth. And we were to be PROUD of it as far as my Mother was concerned. She always said "You are special because you were chosen, NOT given up."
She also told us that she had a file for each of us with all of the information about our Mother's.
"If you guys ever want to meet your Mother's we will drive you to their front door" she would say. Funny, she would say that but I think the idea of that really scared her deep down inside.
I remember as a kid threatening to go and find my "REAL MOM" when I was pissed off.
How many people could use that as a threat against their parents growing up!!
I think that knowing it would hurt my Mom was why I didn't really think I would ever go looking for her. But I always wondered about my "real Mom"
When I was a kid I wondered things like
What did she look like?
Did she have brown curly hair like me?
As I got older I wondered things like How old was she when she had me? Did she Marry my dad? Did she want to keep me but just couldn't?
Then I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 16. I found myself wanted to meet her for the first time. I think a part of me felt free to do that now that my Mom was gone.
So when I was 18 I started my search. It was 1991.
I remember calling social services adoption unit to start. They told me that my adoption was done privately so there was not much information. They would have to put me on a waiting list for a "search."
They said that they would contact me when they were a few weeks away from beginning my search. I asked how long the waiting list was and they were still doing searches for people who applied back in 1986. So I had a while to wait. I must have moved a dozen times over the next 10 years and every time I moved I would call social services FIRST just in case I was next on the list and let them know of my change of address.
Finally, about 9 years later I got a letter in the mail "You are next on our waiting list for a search for your biological Mother. Please do not contact us until you hear from us. It will take about a year to complete your search"
So that was it. I felt so close but yet so far away.....
I will continue the story soon.
Thanks for reading!
I've never even attempted to start that book because I never knew if I was willing to "tell all."
I suppose one day I will reach an age where I don't care what anyone thinks!
I do think that my adoption story is almost a book in itself. I like to tell people the story because people are so facinated by it. As much as I love that, what I love even more is when my experience can help someone else who is considering searching for their family.
So if this blog can help even one person who reads it then I've done my job. At very least I have part of my book done!
I won't be able to tell all in one entry so keep checking back for the continuations. This story deserves not to be rushed or summed up.
I am 34 years old and was adopted from birth. I was adopted into a Jewish home with 2 older brothers ~ Brad (7 years older than me) and Adam (14 months older than me). Brad was my parents natural child and Adam and I were both adopted but from different women.
My Father was a Dentist and my Mother was a stay-at-home Mom. My Mom was wonderful, sweet, loving, affectionate and full of pride of her 3 children. Our parents raised us to know we were adopted~it was just a fact I grew up knowing from birth. And we were to be PROUD of it as far as my Mother was concerned. She always said "You are special because you were chosen, NOT given up."
She also told us that she had a file for each of us with all of the information about our Mother's.
"If you guys ever want to meet your Mother's we will drive you to their front door" she would say. Funny, she would say that but I think the idea of that really scared her deep down inside.
I remember as a kid threatening to go and find my "REAL MOM" when I was pissed off.
How many people could use that as a threat against their parents growing up!!
I think that knowing it would hurt my Mom was why I didn't really think I would ever go looking for her. But I always wondered about my "real Mom"
When I was a kid I wondered things like
What did she look like?
Did she have brown curly hair like me?
As I got older I wondered things like How old was she when she had me? Did she Marry my dad? Did she want to keep me but just couldn't?
Then I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 16. I found myself wanted to meet her for the first time. I think a part of me felt free to do that now that my Mom was gone.
So when I was 18 I started my search. It was 1991.
I remember calling social services adoption unit to start. They told me that my adoption was done privately so there was not much information. They would have to put me on a waiting list for a "search."
They said that they would contact me when they were a few weeks away from beginning my search. I asked how long the waiting list was and they were still doing searches for people who applied back in 1986. So I had a while to wait. I must have moved a dozen times over the next 10 years and every time I moved I would call social services FIRST just in case I was next on the list and let them know of my change of address.
Finally, about 9 years later I got a letter in the mail "You are next on our waiting list for a search for your biological Mother. Please do not contact us until you hear from us. It will take about a year to complete your search"
So that was it. I felt so close but yet so far away.....
I will continue the story soon.
Thanks for reading!
French Toast Casserole mmmmmmm......
I have this fantastic recipe for a french toast casserole that even the pickiest eater can't resist.
It is a real crowd pleaser and trust me when I tell you that you will impress people with this one! Just a heads up, for those of you who don't know what "CHALLAH" is, it is Jewish egg bread and can be found at most bakeries. it works well with this recipe because traditional Challah is quite sweet. You can use regular white bread as well.
7 eggs
2 1/2 cups of milk
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 unsliced Challah (remove crusts and cut into cubes)1/2 cup butter melted
1 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp maple syrup
*Make the bread and batter mix the night before serving and let it sit in the fridge over night in the casserole dish)~In a large bowl mix eggs,milk and vanilla. Add bread and mix until the bread has absorbed the egg mixture~I do it right in the casserole dish so you don't have to transfer it)Cover and let sit over night in the fridge.The next day (preheat oven to 350)~before baking~ add blueberries, raspberries and or apples. combine sugar, syrup, and melted butter. I also add some cinnamon even though the recipe does not call for it.Drizzle the sugar and butter mixture over the casserole. Bake for 40-45 mins (keep an eye on it, it will puff up and be brownish and you will see it is done)Then, while it is hot I sift icing sugar over it (lots of it...yum...)That's it...so easy and horribly fattening!!
If you do decide to try this one, I would love to hear your feedback on it. Enjoy!
It is a real crowd pleaser and trust me when I tell you that you will impress people with this one! Just a heads up, for those of you who don't know what "CHALLAH" is, it is Jewish egg bread and can be found at most bakeries. it works well with this recipe because traditional Challah is quite sweet. You can use regular white bread as well.
7 eggs
2 1/2 cups of milk
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 unsliced Challah (remove crusts and cut into cubes)1/2 cup butter melted
1 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp maple syrup
*Make the bread and batter mix the night before serving and let it sit in the fridge over night in the casserole dish)~In a large bowl mix eggs,milk and vanilla. Add bread and mix until the bread has absorbed the egg mixture~I do it right in the casserole dish so you don't have to transfer it)Cover and let sit over night in the fridge.The next day (preheat oven to 350)~before baking~ add blueberries, raspberries and or apples. combine sugar, syrup, and melted butter. I also add some cinnamon even though the recipe does not call for it.Drizzle the sugar and butter mixture over the casserole. Bake for 40-45 mins (keep an eye on it, it will puff up and be brownish and you will see it is done)Then, while it is hot I sift icing sugar over it (lots of it...yum...)That's it...so easy and horribly fattening!!
If you do decide to try this one, I would love to hear your feedback on it. Enjoy!
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